Friday, 16 October 2009

I Am Muriel


You've heard of the film, I Am Sam, well, I am Muriel. That's me. Muriel Moffett is my name and I'm the protagonist in my creator's current work in progress 'Cake.' I heard through the grapevine that Strictly Writing is a wonderful site, so I'd like to thank you for allowing me to participate. Well, to let you in on a little secret, the lovely ladies at the Women's Institute were gossiping about this new internet phenomenon, and one of them mentioned this fantastic blog. So I mentioned to Gillian about it, and was delighted when she said I could post a blog. I do promise not to ramble on.

Before we begin, let me tell you a little about myself. I live in Pettycross with my husband Bill and our cat Mackenzee. Pettycross is a small village and we're very parochial. Our community is ably led by the wonderful Reverend Gilchrist, or Giles as he's affectionately known. Gillian seems to think I am an unreliable narrator, but good grief, don't believe that for one second. My hobby is baking, specifically Victoria Sponges. I'm a member of Pettycross Women's Institute and I'm renowned for consistently attaining first place in the annual competition.

I've just come first in the regionals and this Saturday, I'm due to take part in the grand final. I phoned the reverend's wife Mrs Gilchrist to see if she knew who Saturday's judges would be – well, my main reason for phoning was to see how Giles was after his nasty fall from his bicycle while carrying out parish duties. It seems this year I've some stiff competition. Anyhow I still expect to retain the title and hopefully on Saturday I'll be standing on the podium with the sash. I'd like to think this year the photographer from The Pettycross Bugle will get my name right. Last year, the caption read: "Mrs Muriel Muff from Pettycross is crowned Victoria Sponge champion and is pictured receiving her prize from Mrs Bellamy, chair of the Women's Institute." Of course, everyone thought it was hilarious, even Mackenzee who chewed the cutting up, then stuffed it in his litter tray.

I don't wish to hark on about it, but people like you lot say I'm an unreliable narrator. Pffappf – what do you know? All you smart literary types. That really makes me mad. That and Bill's inane ramblings and Mackenzee constantly leaving hairs all over the place. But to disbelieve me for one second really breaks my fragile heart.

Hopefully some day you'll be able to read my adventure in 'Cake.' But do be prepared for a roller-coaster ride because, as you'll see, I'm really not a soft old biddy at all. I can be quite the machine gun, all spur of the moment of course. In 'Cake' the knives come out as well as the wooden spoons, sugar, and vanilla essence - heh heh, it suddenly becomes something else altogether. Well, I better be off now. The phone is ringing, and if it's Mrs Bellamy, I wouldn't want to miss out on some razor-sharp gossip from the Women's Institute. You never know who had died, got married, or run off with the bishop. Wish me luck in the finals!

Love Muriel xxx

* Muriel appears in 'Cake' the work-in-progress by Gillian McDade

6 comments:

Samantha Tonge said...

Erm, I Am Sam:):)

Gillian, i loved this, it's nothing quite like anything of yours i've read before! A gentle read with an underlying menace of darker things to come:)

Susie Nott-Bower said...

Dear Muriel,
I stumbled across your post whilst searching for Strictly Come Dancing (naturally only to research the zeitgeist for an upcoming sermon) and was astonished (and not a little hurt) to discover that your apparent concern for my wellbeing after my most unpleasant accident was merely a thinly-veiled attempt to probe into the Politics of Cake-Judging. Shame on you, Muriel! The blue riband would ill become you under these circumstances.
However, as a Christian and a minister, I forgive you.
Yours,
Giles (Gilchrist)

Gillian McDade said...

Thanks Muriel for your contribution! And good luck for the sponge contest!

Gillian xx

Muriel said...

LOL Sam! Yes, I can make the odd quip or two, and that one was especially for you!

Oh um...Giles...I er forgot you had the internet! I do make mistakes, as you will find out, but thank you for your forgiveness.

Muriel xx

CarolineG said...

Hee hee, great stuff Gillian, I mean, Muriel.

Wouldn't mind a piece of that cake either.

Debs said...

Pettycross is such a pretty name for a village.

Best of luck with the competition and hope to see Cake on the bookshelves sometime soon.

Word verfication: forks!