(Due to slight Dalek-like sound quality from the pink haired writer, aka D.O.D, please find below a copy her letter. I should add that no real writers were harmed in the creation of this video!!)
Dear Mr Agent,
I'm writing in response to your very rude return of my letter.
I know you agents are very busy but I have to confess that I expected more than my letter returned with a line through it. How rude!
But be assured, you're not the only one I'm writing to. Oh No Siree!!
Another rude agent wrote and told me I didn't understand what Point Of View is. I shall be writing to her and telling her I do indeed remember the Terry Wogan programme on the BBC.
Then there's the guy who got one of his interns to write me a hand-written message. What was it..? Oh, I remember now. He told me I had a problem with character arcs. I fully intend telling HIM that I am a writer not a carpenter. I do not have time to build rescue boats for my characters. It was that same guy who told me to show not tell. Everyone knows you TELL a story. What a total crock of crap!
On that note Mr Agent, I'm signing off now. Forever yours,
DISGUSTED FROM DONCASTER