Monday, 22 March 2010

What Not To Do!

(Due to slight Dalek-like sound quality from the pink haired writer, aka D.O.D, please find below a copy her letter. I should add that no real writers were harmed in the creation of this video!!)

Dear Mr Agent,

I'm writing in response to your very rude return of my letter.

I know you agents are very busy but I have to confess that I expected more than my letter returned with a line through it. How rude!

But be assured, you're not the only one I'm writing to. Oh No Siree!!

Another rude agent wrote and told me I didn't understand what Point Of View is. I shall be writing to her and telling her I do indeed remember the Terry Wogan programme on the BBC.

Then there's the guy who got one of his interns to write me a hand-written message. What was it..? Oh, I remember now. He told me I had a problem with character arcs. I fully intend telling HIM that I am a writer not a carpenter. I do not have time to build rescue boats for my characters. It was that same guy who told me to show not tell. Everyone knows you TELL a story. What a total crock of crap!

On that note Mr Agent, I'm signing off now. Forever yours,

DISGUSTED FROM DONCASTER

15 comments:

Old Kitty said...

Exterminate.. exterminate..!

Awww but I like the pink hair and little daisy motif!

:-)

Good manners don't cost a thing. There really is no need for rudeness, really and truly especially from agents who know they hold all the power and may therefore make the small effort to be gracious rather than mean and unhelpful.

Take care
x

Gillian McDade said...

Yeah, loved that blog, Fionnuala! And I do like the pink hair. All my rejections have been polite and courteous, so I'm thankful for that. There's no excuse for rudeness, and part of me thinks it's to mask insecurity.

CarolineG said...

Hee hee, love the line about character arcs! Great stuff, F!

Helen Black said...

A great laugh on a Monday morning. Thanks.

Apparently, though, some folks do write back to agents. I think this is one of the reasons why so many rejections are just pro-former, to avoide any sort of future correspondence.
HBx

Susie Nott-Bower said...

Love it! There's something so brilliant about the dead-pan delivery and the words 'crock of crap'.
Thanks for brightening up my morning.
Susiex

Fionnuala Kearney said...

I guess I DO want to discourage anybody writing back to agents even if they feel they have a right. T'aint a good idea unless you want to sound like D.O.D!

Roderic Vincent said...

God, what a horrid thought. I've not had a rude rejection yet, but this has warned me to brace myself when opening the SAEs.

Fionnuala Kearney said...

I think the point is that most agents dont have the time to send more than a stock rejection - sopmething that unseasoned writers may think a little brusque. And atually to get a hand written note even if it's telling a writer what they may be doing wrong is a GOOD thing! Poor DOD can't see that though...

Karen said...

Love it! Luckily I've never had a rude rejection letter, but when I do I'll disguise myself as a D.O.D. when I fire off a reply ;o)

(Is it wrong that I remember Terry Wogan on Points of View? And the one before that with the big glasses - Robin Cook. I must be much older than I feel.)

Debs Riccio said...

lol Fi! Is DoD s'posed to be you? I'm terrible when it comes to standardised e-mail response rejections and always shoot one immediately back saying thank you and telling them how much I appreciate their time and consideration. It makes me feel better knowing that I don't mean a single word I say either. *bares teeth*.

Derek said...

Do all people from Doncaster sound like that?!

Phillipa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phillipa said...

There's absolutely no excuse for a rude rejection and I think, darling, there's something ever so cheap and camp about bitchy comments. Miaow...

(Typo removed... only reason I deleted previous comment, not because it named names :))

Fionnuala Kearney said...

Noooooo Debs!!!! D.O.D is made up and lets face it misguided...poor girl! ALthough I do remember thinking when I got my first rejection letter (A LONG time ago!) that the fact that it was my original letter just returned with a 'Not for us' on it, was strange. I've since learned and am more like you - grateful that people have taken the time to respond and if its had feedback, even better. So, alas, DOD has a lot to learn and needs to buck her ideas up!

Ann said...

That was wonderful. I loved it. I remember Terry Wogan and Points of View. I was very, very, very young. Debated there whether I needed to add another very.