Dear Literary Santa,
I think I’ve been a good girl this year. Just look at this blog! Just look at my latest book! Um – okay, it hasn’t found a home yet, but it’s the best I’ve produced in terms of editing, taking on board criticism and research. Although I know I’ve been ratty; wept at rejection; eaten too much chocolate. But I’ve not given up. I’m determined. So, please, may I request the following gifts?
1) A large bottle of patience, two spoonfuls of which I can take directly after each submission.
2) A generous slice of humble pie, for those moments when I come over all X-Factor Contestant, and tell myself I should already be choosing my dress for the world movie premiere of my novel.
3) Contact lenses to hide the green in my eyes when yet another writing friend gets a deal. Envy is not an attractive quality, Santa, I know, but I can’t escape it and have decided camouflage will be more effective than seeking a cure.
4) Vouchers for cognitive therapy to help cure me of my email obsession.
5) Clear instructions on how to write in the First Person without being too introspective.
6) A remote control that won’t let me access digital dross. My time would be much better spent reading, rather than watching Girls of the Playboy Mansion (I even know all their names by now).
I think I’ve been a good girl this year. Just look at this blog! Just look at my latest book! Um – okay, it hasn’t found a home yet, but it’s the best I’ve produced in terms of editing, taking on board criticism and research. Although I know I’ve been ratty; wept at rejection; eaten too much chocolate. But I’ve not given up. I’m determined. So, please, may I request the following gifts?
1) A large bottle of patience, two spoonfuls of which I can take directly after each submission.
2) A generous slice of humble pie, for those moments when I come over all X-Factor Contestant, and tell myself I should already be choosing my dress for the world movie premiere of my novel.
3) Contact lenses to hide the green in my eyes when yet another writing friend gets a deal. Envy is not an attractive quality, Santa, I know, but I can’t escape it and have decided camouflage will be more effective than seeking a cure.
4) Vouchers for cognitive therapy to help cure me of my email obsession.
5) Clear instructions on how to write in the First Person without being too introspective.
6) A remote control that won’t let me access digital dross. My time would be much better spent reading, rather than watching Girls of the Playboy Mansion (I even know all their names by now).
7) A gadget to give me an electric shock, every time I encourage my children to pursue a career in publishing. Although it’s their fault really, for promising year in year out, that one day they'll publish my books.
8) One of those implants that makes you vomit when you imbibe alcohol. Since I started writing, Mr Jacob Creek and Miss Blossom Hill are my best buddies.
9) A best-selling dream - like Stephanie Meyer's one encapsulating the idea of Twilight.
10) A social life.
Thanks, Santa! I can’t wait to see what I get on Christmas Morn. And aren’t you impressed? This is the first year I haven’t asked for a publishing deal. I’ve matured, you see – I realize now, the only thing that will get me that is hard work. No one’s going to magically slip a contract onto my desk. Not even you.
Best wishes, as always,
Sam
(And ignore that one about putting me off wine - instead I'll have a bottle of the pink stuff and a metre long block of Toblerone...)
So, come on folks! 'Fess up! What’s on your literary wish list this year?
So, come on folks! 'Fess up! What’s on your literary wish list this year?
19 comments:
Oh, Sam, what a great, touching post! Will have to mull over this one!
Hi Sam, what a great post. I grinned all the way through it and feel that, even though it wouldn't be original, I need to tell Santa the very same thing!
I'm with you on the not asking for a publishing deal but surely I must have worked hard enough for it now....x
What a fabulous list, and I don't think you're asking too much at all. I'll send special vibes to Santa for you!
My Christmas wish has come true this year, but by 'eck it's been a a long time coming :o)
Oh I loved this! What a lovely post to make you smile on a rainy December morning!
I think I need everything on your list, Sam! A jumbo sized pack of patience is definitely at the top of my wish list, closely followed by an elephant hide skin costume...
Great post, Sam!
Know what you mean about asking for less than publication. In previous years I've hung a huge red stocking by the chimney (along with brandy and mince pies as a bribe) with a request for a wonderful publisher and a great agent. This year: a little sock with the hope of some feedback from an agent.
Susiex
Excellent and positive post, Sam! My wish is to see my book on a shelf and to be able to go part-time at work. No Toblerone please -too hard to bite off, and those nasty bits interrupt the flow of chocolate.
Hope everyone's wishes come true ;)
Great list, Sam!
One I would add is enough energy to write more and the ability to resist the urge to stay in my jammies until lunchtime and sleep!
Hope your Xmas wishes come true, Sam, and everyone else's in Strictly and Blog Land.
Have some mulled wine!
Julie xx
Yes, meant to say: Toblerones are the work of the devil :)
Aw, thanks everyone, glad you could relate and it's not just me!
Yes, L-Plate, we have worked hard enough (but shh, Santa might hear and think we are getting cocky:))
Thanks for the vibes, Karen!
Yes, i'll have one of those costumes too, Caroline:)
Hmm, funny how we all get more realistic , Susie - ah, for the headily optimistic days of writing my first novel...
Ooh, thanks for the wine, Julie! Yes, more energy in the evenings, i could do with that.
Clearly, Gillian, you haven't tried the Toblerone fruit and nut:)
Although my fave at the mo is the new Chocolate Orange Popping Candy. My husband and i got quite excited eating it the other night. We need to get out more.
Thanks Sam. I can identify with that, right down to the green contact lenses. As for the chocolate debate, you can't beat Green and Black's dark chocolate. I allow myself one square after completing my allotted number of words for the day. Delicious.
ONE square, Rosaline?!! Consider yourself banned from SW until you do better:)
I mean RosalinD - *sigh* new keyboard.
Sam that made me chuckle and laugh out loud and realise we must have been separated at birth. I think I'll just print off your list and use it! Hope all your wishes come true x
You too, twinny:)
Aw, what a wonderful post, Sam. Really brought a smile to my face!
Great post!
All I want for Christmas is TIME. And guess what? Santa's promised me a whole year-full! I just have to make good use of it.
(I'm assuming one of my sons will buy me the required quantity of Toblerone.)
Thanks Rosy and Womagwriter.
Yes time, that's a good ask!
Good one, Sam, love it! Hope Santa brings you all these, and more (including the one you didn't like to ask for!). I think I need to ask him for patience in dealing with my recurrent computer problems. Or even better - for a voucher entitling me to NO computer problems this coming year - wouldn't that be great!
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