Dear Literary Santa,
I think I’ve been a good girl this year. Just look at this blog! Just look at my latest book! Um – okay, it hasn’t found a home yet, but it’s the best I’ve produced in terms of editing, taking on board criticism and research. Although I know I’ve been ratty; wept at rejection; eaten too much chocolate. But I’ve not given up. I’m determined. So, please, may I request the following gifts?
1) A large bottle of patience, two spoonfuls of which I can take directly after each submission.
2) A generous slice of humble pie, for those moments when I come over all X-Factor Contestant, and tell myself I should already be choosing my dress for the world movie premiere of my novel.
3) Contact lenses to hide the green in my eyes when yet another writing friend gets a deal. Envy is not an attractive quality, Santa, I know, but I can’t escape it and have decided camouflage will be more effective than seeking a cure.
4) Vouchers for cognitive therapy to help cure me of my email obsession.
5) Clear instructions on how to write in the First Person without being too introspective.
6) A remote control that won’t let me access digital dross. My time would be much better spent reading, rather than watching Girls of the Playboy Mansion (I even know all their names by now).
I think I’ve been a good girl this year. Just look at this blog! Just look at my latest book! Um – okay, it hasn’t found a home yet, but it’s the best I’ve produced in terms of editing, taking on board criticism and research. Although I know I’ve been ratty; wept at rejection; eaten too much chocolate. But I’ve not given up. I’m determined. So, please, may I request the following gifts?
1) A large bottle of patience, two spoonfuls of which I can take directly after each submission.
2) A generous slice of humble pie, for those moments when I come over all X-Factor Contestant, and tell myself I should already be choosing my dress for the world movie premiere of my novel.
3) Contact lenses to hide the green in my eyes when yet another writing friend gets a deal. Envy is not an attractive quality, Santa, I know, but I can’t escape it and have decided camouflage will be more effective than seeking a cure.
4) Vouchers for cognitive therapy to help cure me of my email obsession.
5) Clear instructions on how to write in the First Person without being too introspective.
6) A remote control that won’t let me access digital dross. My time would be much better spent reading, rather than watching Girls of the Playboy Mansion (I even know all their names by now).
7) A gadget to give me an electric shock, every time I encourage my children to pursue a career in publishing. Although it’s their fault really, for promising year in year out, that one day they'll publish my books.
8) One of those implants that makes you vomit when you imbibe alcohol. Since I started writing, Mr Jacob Creek and Miss Blossom Hill are my best buddies.
9) A best-selling dream - like Stephanie Meyer's one encapsulating the idea of Twilight.
10) A social life.
Thanks, Santa! I can’t wait to see what I get on Christmas Morn. And aren’t you impressed? This is the first year I haven’t asked for a publishing deal. I’ve matured, you see – I realize now, the only thing that will get me that is hard work. No one’s going to magically slip a contract onto my desk. Not even you.
Best wishes, as always,
Sam
(And ignore that one about putting me off wine - instead I'll have a bottle of the pink stuff and a metre long block of Toblerone...)
So, come on folks! 'Fess up! What’s on your literary wish list this year?
So, come on folks! 'Fess up! What’s on your literary wish list this year?
