10 Ways to Stay Unpublished
2. Don't write anything anybody else likes.
3. Don't send anything you (might) write to an agent and/or publisher. Only other people get signed up anyway.
4. Don't enter writing competitions. Somebody else always wins.
5. Sign up for every writing magazine going - they'll be handy to make kindling from in the winter.
6. Make sure 98 percent of your Facebook 'friends' are proper published authors. Read of their success. Sigh. Repeat.
7. Read books that suck. Beat yourself up that you didn't have the nerve to send off a sucky book to anybody (because you followed rules 1-3 above. Either that or you're a Double D-list celebrity who's cashing on on Christmas. But let's not get bitter. You could just be a crap writer).
8. Write crap.
9. Watch repetitively mind-numbingly destimulating reality TV shows and debate the meaning of life from behind a cushion of shame.
10. Sign up to do NaNoWriMo, add some buddies, read the messages on the forum, wonder if you might like to join your local writing group who meet up in Starbucks every Sunday morning, read some excerpts and watch their wordcounts soar. Decide you're better off staying in bed, beating yourself up and reading crap until 1st December.