T'internet

As some of you know, I'm trying to finish book four. I'm running out of time and I've already begged one extension.
Every day I arrive at my lap top and estimate how far I'll get, yet somehow I'm always way behind. I have the very best of intentions so what on earth is holding me up?
My husband suggested, with an arched eyebrow, that I make a note of what I did during those hours I'm supposedly writing.
I glared at him. 'You mean a time and motion study.'
He didn't deny it.
Honestly, who does that man think he is? I don't waste time. I'm not on the phone all day, or watching Jeremy Kyle. The cheek.

So another day, came and went with only 1000 words on the clock, and I cracked. The results, friends, were shocking.
I may not be glued to day time telly but neither am I working flat out.

The internet is sucking away my life.

Enemy number one. Mumsnet.
For those of you who don't know, Mumsnet is a parenting website, peopled for the most part by middle class mothers.

To be honest, even if you're a childless pensioner from Peru, you may well have heard of it recently. As the election approaches, the powers that be (and want to continue as such) are courting the very community that Mumsnet represents. Apparently, we women with small children hold the keys to the Kingdom. And there was me thinking we held the ironing pile...

Anyhow, I have to admit to being an avid Mumsnetter. Not that I have any aspirations to political power, but rather because it's so damn entertaining.
The forums are always buzzing. There are discussions on everything from how best to deal with toddler tantrums, to how best to deal with the pensions deficit. These are intelligent women with plenty to say. And boy do they like to say it. Frisky, feisty, however you want to describe it, the forum on Mumsnet are not for the lilly-livered.

Of all the subjects that up the tempo, nothing comes close to a good debate between the Mums who work outside the home (WOHMs) and the Mums who stay at home (SAHMs).
Before you can declare Kate Winslet's latest decree nisi, the accusations start to fly, with the WOHMs decrying the SAHMs for not providing a good role model and the SAHMs stating that Mums who work 'outsource' the care of their children, and parent on a part time basis.
This last one makes me hoot out loud. The idea that while my children are at school, or with their Nana, whilst I write a few pages of my book, I am no longer their parent is rather engaging. Perhaps I could spend the time in the pub. Or travelling the world.
Of course, no one ever wins these arguments, but that's besides the point.


Another way of throwing away my time, is lurking on Authonomy, which for good old car crash internet value, is not unlike Mumsnet.
It was set up by HarperCollins as an alternative to the slushpile. Genius. Unpublished authors upload their books, rather than send them in to the acquisitions dept. The idea is the most popular books sneak up a chart and the top book is looked at by an editor, who might spot its masterly storyline and promptly offer a contract. This never happens of course but still...

What reminds me of my beloved Mumsnet is the constant argy bargy on the forum. And nothing gets them there Authonomites in a tizzy like 'the rules'. These arguments centre around whether writers should stick to certain rules like 'show not tell', 'never use adjectives',or 'avoid the passive'. Hilarious. Honestly, pull up a chair.

One camp declare such rules the work of the devil, that they sap creativity and can never replace talent. The other camp say the rules can only improve writing and quote Stephen King, 'the road to hell is paved with adverbs.'
I'm always tempted to point out that there is no black and white, only good writing, but I don't. Like a Roman at the ampitheatre, I enjoy the show.
Things go round and round in circles until someone points out that maybe they should stop rowing and get writing...


Which is of course what I should be doing. But then I heard about this great blog...

I curse you Mr Internet and all your seductive devils.