The weird and the wonderful

While chatting recently to fellow Strictly blogger, Rod, I mentioned the Cambridgeshire-born author Nicola Barker and went on to praise her quirkiness. I first stumbled upon her in 2008 after seeing one of the rather attractive covers of Darkmans – the one which features a court jester. And I ordered the book from Amazon because it looked cool and original. Despite being 838 pages long, I was engrossed from the beginning, partly due to the unusual use of language. We are introduced to oddball characters Beede and Kane, a father and son who work in a hospital laundry and deal in prescription drugs respectively and who, despite living in the same apartment block, are estranged from each other. Set in Ashford, Kent, it's a book populated with characters who are quite simply, bizarre. I'm not even going to attempt to cobble together a brief synopsis, but the weird and wonderful characters, who are so 3D they leap off the page, include Kane's ex-girlfriend, Kelly, Gaffar, a Kurdish refugee who works for Kane and is terrified of salad leaves, Elen, Beede's chiropodist, Isadore, her husband, and their son, Fleet, who is constructing a model cathedral from matchsticks.

The book was shortlisted for the 2007 Man Booker Prize for Fiction and the 2008 Ondaatje Prize - and quite rightly so!

My interest in Ms Barker's books doesn't end there. To whet your appetite, her previous novels include Wide Open, which is set on a nudist beach, a wild boar farm and a nature reserve on the Isle of Sheppey, and which feature her array of idiosyncratic characters. There's also Behindlings with central character Wesley who is stalked by a bunch of weird outlandish people including Josephine, a nurse and environmental campaigner, the scandalous Katherine Turpin, and Ted, the island's estate agent, all of whom have their own reasons for following Wesley.

Or there's Clear, narrated by a young man who is drawn to watch David Blaine suspended in a Perspex box above the Thames.

I've just started The Burley Cross Postbox Theft, a book which is comprised of a series of letters. I recently read an interview with Ms Barker in the Guardian in which she talked about the origins of this comically absurd book.

Apparently a few years ago friends of hers applied for planning permission to make amendments to their house and Ms Barker wrote a letter penned by 'the planning office', requesting them to put up a partition in their living-room. She said in the interview that she thought nothing more about it until sometime later when her friends phoned after realising she had faked the letter. Apparently they were furious. She tried to make amends when she heard about their problem with people hanging plastic bags filled with dog poo on their hedge, so she decided to write something about dog waste and legislation, in a form of letters.

And so the epistolary Burley Cross Postbox Theft was born. In the book, the village postbox is broken into and its contents, including 26 letters, 22 Christmas cards and nine applications for a remedy designed to cure erectile dysfunction, were placed in a bin bag and dumped in the backyard of the hairdresser. And now, PC Topping must sort through the letters. It seems everyone is objecting to everything, no matter how mundane - from dog poo to speed limits, planning rules and who gets to be Jesus in the Christmas play. It's all a bizarre mix and over time, the reader realises the incidents are in some way connected. It's all good fun and if you enjoy a quirky read which raises a wry smile, then Ms Barker's books should be on your list.

Her novels make compelling reading, given that the characters really come alive. They even stay with you for some time well after you've closed the books. In each story you'll find the common theme of sympathy for the underdog or oddball. Having lauded her brilliance, Ms Barker is not what I would call a commercially successful novelist. But she has that x-factor that not a great many contemporary writers have.

Don't You Wish You Had Written That?

Standing at the Post Office counter, watching the Big Brown Envelope wave goodbye, I often wonder what goes through the agent's (or reader's mind) when he or she opens my submission – do they think it's a big pile of George Dubya Bush, or might it cross their mind that it's the best thing invented since the telly?
Picture this:

'Hello, is that Doris Lessing?'
'Yes,' I say to the agent.
'I've had a chance to read your first three chapters and I must say I am very impressed,' adds the agent.
'Thank you,' I say, pre-empting the next request.
'Can you send me the full MS?'
'Certainly,' I say. 'I'll get that off to you today.'
'Thanks, Doris.'
We hang up.

I'm sure there have been many times when we wish we had been born 'Mr J.M. Coetzee' or 'Mrs Toni Morrison' (wouldn't that look cool on a passport?) but let's ponder, with envy, some of those classics which have graced our bookshelves. Here are some books I wish I'd penned, and in that respect, long to be the brains behind those amazing first three chapters.

Darkmans by Nicola Barker
I only recently read this Man Booker shortlisted novel but I was really swept up in the story. Set in Ashford, Kent, it's an examination of the way history plays jokes on us, incorporating comedy, art and displacement. It's incredibly original and unlike any book I've read before. Do persevere with it – it's worth it.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt
This is the first novel by the Mississippi writer and it tells the story of a closely knit group of classics students at an elite Vermont college. In the opening chapter, the reader is told of the death of student 'Bunny' Corcoran, although few details are given initially. Unusually, the story explores the lasting effects of his murder on the group of students.

If This Is A Man by Primo Levi
This is a work of witness and a fascinating personal narrative by Italian author Primo Levi. It was influenced by his experiences in the concentration camp at Auschwitz during the Second World War. This is not a self-dramatising piece; instead it gives an insight into his strength of character and opens readers' eyes to the horror of the unimaginable.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
Another Booker prize shortlisted novel, it is set in a dystopian Britain and follows the life of Kathy H, a young woman who is boarding at a rather unusual school. Here, human beings are cloned to provide organs for transplant purposes, and Kathy and her classmates have been created specifically to be donors. Again, a novel of startling originality.

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
This story is narrated in the first person by the protagonist, an unnamed African American man who considers himself socially invisible, inspired by Ellison's own life. The story is told from the narrator's present, looking back into his past.

Pop Co by Scarlett Thomas
Smart and funny, almost zeitgeisty, the story follows Alice Butler, an employee in a global toy company which creates kits for children who enjoy code-breaking and espionage. Alice becomes aware of her employers' ghastly ethics while confined at a camp on Dartmoor. She is under orders to develop a great product for teenage girls - go on that journey with her!

The House at Midnight by Lucie Whitehouse
This is on my list because it's the book that any new author wishes he or she had written. With prior knowledge that Lucie is a literary agent, I nevertheless put aside this fact to concentrate on the story, and enjoyable and well-written it is too. But I couldn't simply ignore the fact this is written by an agent who knows how to construct a plot while keeping the reader engaged.

What would it feel like if you were the brains behind one of these books? These are a few I've picked myself, but I'm sure you have many personal faves which you wish you'd written. But don't be disheartened, you, yes you, could be The Next Big Thing.