Stages of Rejection

As I once again approach submission time, I am bracing myself for failure. Not in a woe-is-me, lack of confidence way, rather from a position of realism based on past experience. I thought I’d pull out all the rejection letters I’ve saved from the last four years and take a browse – but I couldn’t. Some are still too painful. So why keep them all, like some tatty love-letters from a failed relationship? I’m not sure. In a way it’s because they validate the time I’ve spent writing novels. They are tangible proof that I have tried, I have worked hard – that I have put myself ‘out there’.

Surely I should have developed a rhino’s skin after all this time? Surely the rejection still doesn’t hurt? For the most part, I can logically deal with disappointment - tell myself that a standard rejection isn’t necessarily a condemnation of my work. And I appreciate the odd personal comment, I grasp at the occasional letter which is worded with encouragement. But now and again I get caught out. And the obsessive, emotional process is usually as follows and I wonder if it’s the same for you?

1) Paranoia – why has the agent not replied yet? My submission must have got lost in the post. Perhaps in my covering letter I didn’t grovel enough – or maybe I sounded arrogant. The agent must be on holiday or she’s ill or at some book fair abroad. Perhaps it was a mistake calling the hero and heroine Gordon and Mandy because if she’s Conservative it won’t make it off her slushpile.

2) Assumption – it’s definitely been rejected. I’ve googled the agent’s name and when she takes someone on she always rings them after two days. I’ve already been waiting two weeks. It’s a done deal. Onto the next sub.

3) Tears – the letter slipped through the post box today. Despite number 2) it is still a shock. Tears and chocolate. More tears, more chocolate. My little boy asks why my eyes are runny. My claws-of-steel cat turns away in disgust.

4) Self-pity – I’m never going to make it as a writer. What’s the point of trying any more? All the hard work I’ve put in has been for nothing. More chocolate. More writerly sighs. Woe is me.

5) Anger – What does she mean, my characters seem flat? That my plot’s going nowhere? My husband disagrees, as does Auntie Nell. Who does she think she is? What does she know?

6) Defiance – I’ll show her and write something even better then I’ll post a copy to her when I get a deal. She’ll be cursing the day she let me go. Ha! And double Ha!

7) Acceptance and Resolve – she was right, I can see that now, the characters are flat and the plot is going nowhere. It’s time to tuck this book firmly under my bed. It’s time to move on and work on my writing skills. It’s time to improve.

8) Gratitude – she did me a favour, if it wasn’t for that rejection letter I’d still be working on that project. My new one is genuinely so much better. I’ll sub it to her when the time comes.

9) Amnesia – I can’t wait to send her my new project. This submission process is so exciting! Printing out my chapters, rushing to the post box every morning… Perhaps this book will be the one!