Ten Great Reasons for Remaining Unpublished
1) I can change genres without having to change my name.
2) I revel in comments such as “Good for you for following your dream”, instead of “I haven’t heard of your book”, “How much then do you earn?” or the classic, “Ooh, would you take a look at my work?”
3) Tax forms? Not for me – I’m an artist, not an accountant.
4) My self-esteem is not dependent on sales figures or reviews on Amazon. It relies solely on my own view of my work until the submission process and even then I can dismiss an agent who’s rejected me as a narrow-minded jerk.
5) I feel no compulsion to spend my Saturday mornings at the local bookshops, dragging my novel to the front of the shelves.
6) I’m not writing to a deadline, there’s no advance to hand back, so I can go on holiday, read Heat magazine or watch Celebrity Big Brother without the slightest twinge of guilt. My time is my own.
7) I can stuff myself with pizza and eat chocolate until I get spots. No one is going to take my photo for a cover or judge my appearance whilst I sign their book.
8) As a struggling writer I’m a far more romantic figure, untainted by commercialism, surviving on my muse and fresh air alone… although my spouse’s salary does help, as does my credit card.
9) I can still dream of a Hollywood deal, in fact I’ve already cast Daniel Craig in the leading role. I’ve practised my answers for Oprah and know exactly what I’ll wear to the television studio.
10) I don’t obsess with self-Googling my name – imagine the ego you’d need to do that? How annoying it would be to find another person of the same name more successful than yourself? Ahem, not that I’d know….
So there you have it! And perhaps my tongue is lodged firmly in my cheek. But come on, you published authors out there – I bet you’d forgotten just how good the wilderness years were!