This is a job for...Mickey Rooney*

There's light at the end of the tunnel.

So there I was with a stack of rejection letters (well, there would have been if I hadn't needed some kindling) and a manuscript that had just made it back from an editor.

I re-read his email - the one that proposed publishing my fantasy novel (yay!), but only if I provided £5000 (not so yay). I checked the biscuit tin and, apart from a few bourbon crumbs, there was nothing there. Unless you include the reflection of an unpublished novelist staring back at me.

The novel has a chequered history, which you can read about some other time here should you feel inclined. We've been through a lot together - 10,000 words in the last edit, for one thing. The reader feedback has been good and, bar the odd rough edge, I think it would work as a niche publication.

So, what to do?

Self-publish, of course, as a friend of mine has been saying for months! I've weighed up the pros and cons, which are as follows:

Pros
1. The book is already written.
2. I would have needed to complete a full edit anyway.
3. No one understands a book better than the author.
4. Affordable start-up costs through Lightning Source. (Other options are Feed-A-Read and Lulu, to name but two.)
5. I already have a block of ISBNs, having self-pubbed an ebook of comedy sketch scripts.
6. I had a marketing plan of sorts already put together.
7. I have realistic expectations of Covenant's potential as a niche fantasy novel.
8. Small number of sales to recoup my investment.
9. I get to see Covenant in paperback. Finally.

Cons
1. The edit has to be really good because there'll be no one else to act as a quality gate.
2. All promotional activities will be down to me (as opposed to 75%!).
3. Time spent on this is time spent away from writing new material / books / job applications.
4. No guarantee of success.
5. I need to sort out all aspects, including the cover design.

I aim to complete the edit by the end of June and then a final read through and the formatting by the end of July. I've decided - for this novel anyway - that it's time it was in print and available to readers.

I'll post an update in July or August. Meantime, what's your view of self-pubbed paperbacks, both as readers and writers?


* Before my time too, but I pick up lots of stray information.

Fantasy Dragons And...

I often spend idle moments imagining that I’ve invented something really useful that’s got potential to change people’s lives. What I’d give to be the guy who came up with the idea for the vacuum cleaner or even 'post it' notes or the universal phone charger that’s on its way soon. (Really – it’s coming…You can soon dump that drawer load of useless phone chargers). This thought process led me to think about what I’d do -what I’d say - if I had to give a ‘Dragons Den’ type pitch of my novel, rather than submit to agents in the normal manner. Immediately I put together a fantasy five top agents. Can't say who they were, but two men and three women prevailed and the following fantasy will now feature in my top ten. (Easily pleased on the fantasy front, I am)

Me: “Good morning. (Nervous, rather twitchy smile) My name is Fionnuala and I’m a writer. (Alcoholic? No. Wrong show) I’m here this morning to pitch my latest novel ‘Plumb Crazy’. (I breathe, try and make eye contact with each of them. They look like they wish I’d disappear, as I begin a ‘blurby’ pitch)
‘Plumb Crazy’ is a story of love, loss and the healing power of friendship. 97000 words, it's told from the point of view of Samantha Roubicek who, following redundancy from advertising, has retrained to be a plumber - a job she loves. Her life takes a turn for the worst when she’s suddenly blindsided by recurring flashbacks of the accident that killed her mother two decades ago, an event witnessed by Sam aged ten. As Sam unravels, she falls for a client, falls out with her best friend and cheats on her policeman boyfriend. She finds herself unable to move forward, reluctant to re-visit her past – her life resembles a blocked u-bend. (I like this line, so I risk eye contact. One of the women is scowling. Crap. She’s heard all this before. Double crap.)

Can a much needed break in France with friends help? Will a new work contract on the 2012 Olympic site provide the security she secretly longs for? And will Sam be strong enough to hold her family together when her ex, newly in charge of cold case reviews, reveals the identity of her mother’s killer?”

(I smile more confidently than I feel) “Has anyone any questions?”

Lady No 1: “Where do you see your book fitting? Which genre and why?”

Me: “Commercial women’s fiction. It’s chick lit with issues – a la Marian Keyes.” (Crap!!! Did I say that out loud? Did I actually compare myself to the Queen of Keyes out loud to a dragon!! She is smiling back now. I think it's pity.)

Man No 1: “Chick Lit has died a death. What makes you think you can resurrect it?

Me: (I want to make a quip about Lazarus but wisely decide against it) “Women still buy the majority of books that are sold. Most women still want to buy books that are written for women, by women covering issues dealt with daily by women. Give a woman interesting characters she cares about and she will want to read on and on, and of course buy the author’s next book.” (I’m pleased with that last bit. I want them to know I’m not a one trick pony. Man number one is sighing aloud so I throw a few facts and figures at him from The Bookseller. He looks bored. Who invited him? )

Lady No 2: “Tell me what’s unique about your manuscript?”

Me: “My main character is a young woman living in East London. Having been through the glamorous world of advertising she decided to re-train in a trade normally dominated by men – interesting, considering her character is a committed commitment phobe in her relationships. (She’s nodding. Yay!) This plus the background of her working on the 2012 Olympic site, I think makes her quirky and different.”

Man No 2: “What experience do you have in the world of writing?”

Me: (I can feel a hot flush travel up my neck and fill every facial capillary I own. This is the one I’d been dreading. I don’t have a ‘Writer’s CV’ I’ve been published on ezines but they’re not going to be impressed. I’m not a journalist, I haven’t ‘done an anything’ in creative writing. Crapology.)
“I’ve been writing for years, learning, honing the craft. I’m a member of many online writers groups and I blog personally and as a member of the Strictly Writing team.”

Lady No 3: “Yet you compare yourself to Marian Keyes?”

Me: (I'm sure I just heard a snigger. No option but to brave this one out) “Er, yes. Even Marian Keyes was just Marian Keyes, a wannabe writer, when she’d written Watermelon. (Oh dear. She’s just snorted aloud. I think I’ve lost her. In the words of Deborah Meaden – ‘she’s out’.)

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I write character driven fiction. Like Marian Keyes, I write about characters I believe women will care about, empathise with. I try and do this well within the structure of an interesting plot. Plumb Crazy, whilst primarily dealing with Sam’s unravelling also has the story of Sam’s mother’s unsolved hit and run as a core thread throughout the book. Unlike Marian Keyes, I’m here because I need an agent to read, love and ultimately sell my work. (She’s back! She’s nodding! She’s not out!)

A voice: “Well, I don’t know about my fellow dragons but I’d like to read your manuscript.”

See that’s the great thing about fantasy scenes. We can control them. Believable or not, I opted to end this scene with a dragon, any dragon, butting in to reveal they thought the idea of me being the next MK was in fact a possibility??!!** Ah happy days. They're the best, these moments we have alone in our heads!

Now back to Nano and the newest WIP, one I’ve decided to have a little fun with. Because of the route this morning has already taken, I've also decided this next scene in chapter two will continue the fantasy theme - though this one involves black lace and a married couple, though not to each other...

Stranger than Fiction

Picture this – or rather me - last week, swimming in an idyllic cove (see photo) along one of the quieter parts of the Southern French coast. The sea had emptied due to an approaching (or so it seemed) evening thunderstorm. I marvelled at the distant forks of lightning, whilst my children swam out further to rock-pool. They had worked out an ingenious way of transporting their fishing nets by wearing the luminous net as a cap, as the long wooden handles rode the waves, trailing down along their backs. Struggling with the increasing depth of the water, my youngest eventually passed me his rod and I wore it in the same style as I swam out. The locals looked on in amusement.

Yet they had probably already chuckled. On unpacking my beach bag I’d discovered to my annoyance, that I’d forgotten my bikini bottoms. My husband had passed me his spare Speedos, insisting I’d look okay. Desperate for a swim I obliged, grinning as I came over all Daniel Craig and strutted into the brine in said swimming trunks.

Then whilst treading water as I chatted with my dad, something suddenly struck me, and our hoots of laughter echoed around the bay as I broadcast an imaginary – but perfectly feasible - newspaper headline:

“WASHED UP ON FRENCH BEACH, ENGLISH WOMAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, DRESSED IN MALE SPEEDOS, WITH A FISHING NET JAMMED OVER HER HEAD.”

You see, life really is stranger than fiction, yet so often we are told by agents or editors that something in our work isn’t realistic enough. Are they joking?!

Take my last book. One agent couldn’t accept in the main premise of a woman getting pregnant and not realizing until she gave birth. Yet fairly regularly I read about this phenomenon in some newspaper and often it’s a sensible, mature women going into hospital with stomach ache and coming home with an unexpected little one. And in any event, isn’t fiction all about escapism? There’s no rule, is there, that says a fictional work outside the genres of Science Fiction or Fantasy has to be totally based on reality?

Take my present book, a kind of chick lit Past Life Regression to Ancient Egypt – isn’t this just one step further on from the array of Women’s Fiction books out there inviting the average woman to escape into the impossibly unreal world of New York or Parisian romance and glamour?

Whilst I strive to base the emotional life of my characters on real feelings, so that it comes across as credible and gains empathy from the readers, I feel us writers should be cut some slack when it comes to plot. Life is strange and fiction should be allowed to reflect this. Who’s to say someone can’t be gobsmacked by unexpectedly giving birth? Who’s to say Past Life Regression is all guff? And does any of this really matter in the more straight-laced genres, as long as the story has an effective hook and the characters’ personal journey seems believable?

So next time someone reads your work and says ‘but that wouldn’t happen in real life’, hold back and think hard before you change a word. I reckon my French beach headline could double as the perfect opening for a murder mystery novel…