I have a pet hate in the world of literature (if you could call it that) and that's celebrity autobiographies. Two celebrities who irk me the most are Kerry Katona and Katie Price. Oh, and Victoria Beckham, Sharon Osbourne, Peter Andre, Charlotte Church, and those footballers - the Rooney boy, Ronaldo and Beckham, all of whom have 'penned' their life stories. I can tolerate Graham Norton, Jools Holland, Richard Hammond, Gordon Ramsay and Gary Rhodes but that's not to say I want to read their life stories.Celebrities get away with so much, and when it comes to getting a book deal, publishers are falling over themselves to offer as many noughts as possible. It's hardly surprising too that they're not written by the celebs themselves: many footballers I'm sure struggle with spelling, let alone the construction of a semi-coherent sentence. It's frustrating when the books are ghost-written, so tell me why should I buy them? I can read Hello magazine and get as good a glimpse into their lives as the autobiography. People often snap up autobiographies as Christmas gifts, and apparently sales of celeb life stories account for 50 per cent of pre-festive books bought (note - isn't Waterstones filled during December with folk who look like they have never even opened a book - you see them at the tills holding their copies of Ashley Cole's autobiography?) Is it because people like to revel in Schadenfreude, secretly hoping that someone else's childhood was worse than their own?
Three I really must flag up are Chris Moyles' first offering The Gospel According to Chris Moyles, plus his Difficult Second Book, and Russell Brand's Booky Wook, all of which were written by the folk themselves. And they're genuinely funny too. Well done Chris and Russell - big literary pats on the back! I also must confess that I plan to read Davina McCall's account of her life 'Being Davina' purely because I like her telly warmth and charm, but I'm disappointed she didn't scribble it herself.
Putting aside all my prejudices this morning in the office (Thursday) I opened Parky's autobiography which was freshly delivered by the book club and read the first few lines - "Every morning when I woke, I could see the pit from my bedroom window.." - yes, it's engaging and it held my attention. So, I read on a little...and a little more....
Three I really must flag up are Chris Moyles' first offering The Gospel According to Chris Moyles, plus his Difficult Second Book, and Russell Brand's Booky Wook, all of which were written by the folk themselves. And they're genuinely funny too. Well done Chris and Russell - big literary pats on the back! I also must confess that I plan to read Davina McCall's account of her life 'Being Davina' purely because I like her telly warmth and charm, but I'm disappointed she didn't scribble it herself.
Putting aside all my prejudices this morning in the office (Thursday) I opened Parky's autobiography which was freshly delivered by the book club and read the first few lines - "Every morning when I woke, I could see the pit from my bedroom window.." - yes, it's engaging and it held my attention. So, I read on a little...and a little more....
A list of the worst-selling celebrity autobiographies was published last year in the Telegraph and it included efforts by Alec Baldwin (an astonishing 12 copies sold within the first month), Christopher Biggins with just over 2,000 copies sold and surprisingly Jade not so Goody's Catch a Falling Star selling just under 6000 copies within the crucial few weeks following release. And there are some cringe-worthy titles too which should raise a giggle or two: They Made A Monkee Out Of Me - Davy Jones, David Hasslehoff's Don't Hassle The Hoff and Andy Murray's Hitting Back. There's also Gene Simmon's Kiss And Make Up and perhaps the best of the bad bunch Tori Spelling's 'sTori Telling' (an alarming Amazon search yielded a follow-up called 'Mommyhood' due June 09).
In my worst nightmare, I can picture myself in the library, browsing the shelves only to be confronted by an armed and dangerous shelf, full of celebrity autobiographies - in which case I'll start running and shouting 'You're a celebrity, get out of here!"
In my worst nightmare, I can picture myself in the library, browsing the shelves only to be confronted by an armed and dangerous shelf, full of celebrity autobiographies - in which case I'll start running and shouting 'You're a celebrity, get out of here!"
