The answer is in your back yard

In a recent moment of non-inspiration, I decided to seek advice about my WIP. Getting proper advice, however, is quite time-consuming and potentially expensive, so instead I spent a few minutes consulting the free online version of The Book of Answers. The idea is that you contemplate your question and then click to reveal the words of wisdom by which you should live the remainder of your life. I started with the obvious:

Me: Is my work-in-progress any good?

Book of answers: ASK YOUR MOTHER

Well, I could, but she's a bit biased and I was actually asking you. So, do you think it's any good?

OF COURSE

Oh! Super! But are you sure anyone would really buy a novel about Victorian quackery and freak shows?

IT'S GONNA BE GREAT

How am I going to sort out this whole business of Dr Rasmussen's narrative being in diary format and Tilly's in retrospective first person?

ASK YOUR FATHER

That's all very well, but what if I were an orphan?

THE ANSWER IS IN YOUR BACKYARD

So the answer is dog shit?

YES

Intriguing... perhaps it's time to move on to some questions about writing 'rules'. Are adverbs a Bad Thing?

SEEK OUT MORE OPTIONS

What about speech tags other than 'said'?

YES

Yes that they're a Bad Thing?

YES

'Well, that's pretty conclusive,' she intoned noddingly. Should I avoid the verb 'to be' at all costs?

TRUST YOUR INTUITION

Should I only write what I know?

THE ANSWER MAY COME TO YOU IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE

Do you mean the answer might come to me in another language, or that it is permitted to do so?

A YEAR FROM NOW IT WON'T MATTER.

Very true. A year from now, will I be dead?

FINISH SOMETHING ELSE FIRST

So, if I never finish anything, I'll live forever. Do you agree?

OF COURSE

Nice one! But in the words of Queen, Who wants to live forever?

GENTLE PERSISTENCE WILL PAY OFF

An eternity of gentle persistence doesn't sound that appealing really. Back to the writing questions... should the passive voice be used?

TRUST YOUR INTUITION

Are there any circumstances in which it's all right to tell rather than show?

TRUST YOUR INTUITION

I sense that you've given up with this whole advice thing. I suppose I should actually go and write something rather than arsing about here, shouldn't I?

YES.