How To Write. Maybe.

here - have some 'writing advice'

If you're anything like me, then a major amount of time spent in front of the computer screen is not always time spent... well, writing. Like the husband imagines it is. Actually he probably still thinks I'm shoehorning in a bit of on-line dating, which I did a lot of at the time we met (and I spent a lot of 'courting' hours trying to reassure him I'd deleted all my accounts the second our eyes met, but you don't want to know all this).
*ahem*
So, whilst the internet is, indeed, a marvel of modern technology, it also holds way too many distractions that I never considered possible. Procrastination- fixes are so easily and quickly fulfilled when there's a Google in your face (if you told me 25 years ago I'd be writing that sentence I'd have snorted into my Brandy and Babycham!).

Point in case: this post. As I couldn't think of anything entertaining, educational or worthwhile to say, I thought I'd have a sly Google (again, *snort*). I typed in "how to write" and could NOT believe when the search returned 529 million results. That's a heck of a lot of advice I'd say.

And then I started trawling. A lot of it is repetitive, like "Don't Use Adverbs".
Another helpful tip is, of course, to "use adverbs freely".

"Never use a verb other than SAID" seems to be a clear favourite, followed closely by the tip of (yup, you guessed it)  "Never JUST say"...
Which I agree with.  For instance, I'd have warmed a little more to Peter if he'd shrieked "Help!" as he plummeted from the plane rather than simply said "Help!", which for me, makes Peter look a little too blasé for the seriousness of his predicament. Let Peter hit the ground in a mangled mess of bloody limbs if that's his attitude.

There's an author (who I'm fond of) who almost never deviates from the *rule* of not using anything but 'said' - and for me, it kind of flattens a scene. It doesn't stop me reading on because the characters are always so frothy, but a bit of embellishment doesn't hurt, I don't think.
Think of a jam tart, then add cream. Isn't that better? cherry on top? Don't mind if I do, thanks.

Another hint is "Read it back aloud". Why? Do you generally read books aloud - unless they're about ducklings that get lost on the way to the pond or blustery days and rabbits that get stuck in holes? Al....righty then.

Then there's "Read everything you can in your chosen Genre".  Followed closely by (yeah, you're getting good at this) "Read widely outside of your Genre, if you write fiction, read non...". Now, call me old-fashioned but I'm  sure reading a Haynes manual for an Austin Allegro is not going to help me further my endeavours, so I'll stick to books I enjoy; actually want to read and not books somebody else thinks I should be reading thanks all the same.

I get particularly disturbed at the suggestion that I will get precisely nowhere without a degree in Creative Writing or similar.  Or else it will take me ten times longer than someone who does have one.  And whilst I thoroughly enjoyed my education, the thought of having to return to a classroom, constructing and de-constructing sentences, living on bread and water in a draughty garret (see - I don't need a degree to give me creative license) is not my idea of time or borrowed money well spent.

Anyway, after all this Googling (which I read somewhere will almost certainly make me go blind, so it must be true) I arrived at the station marked *Conclusion* and underneath, like a nice little welcome mat, it said "Write.  Just write.  That's all you need to do.".

help yourself - go on!