Thursday, 7 April 2011

Finding The Time


I’ve realised just lately that I’m missing something, something vital, from my writer’s tool box. I have the laptop, the notebooks, the pencil and red pen; bags of enthusiasm for the craft, ideas galore and a genuine will to succeed. So, what’s missing?

Time...

I metaphorically kicked myself in the butt the other day and told myself to make time. There are 24 hours in the day. So what if my daughter is getting married in five weeks and there is still lots to do (least of all is to finish buying whatever I’m wearing) So what if I’m flitting between home and London trying to be with the hubster when he’s not at work. So what if I seem to be constantly fricking well doing fricking, fricking housework when I fricking well hate it SOOOOOO much and I should be writing. And as for the fact that I seem to be unable to say ‘No’ to people who make demands on whatever time is left , well...

Everyone is busy. We ALL lead busy lives, most of us run a full time job, a household and family and we still manage to find some time for writing.

See, I think I lied...

It’s not more time I need. It’s more selfishness. I need to tell myself that every Tuesday and Wednesday, whoever it is that needs something from me can naff off, and whatever ‘thing’ I have to have done can bloody wait. I’m writing. So there.

Easy peasy.

And today is Wednesday. Anyone want to phone my daughter and tell her that no, I can’t drive into London, pay the congestion charge in doing so and a fricking exhorbitant car parking charge in order to collect her wedding dress and drive it home to ours so that it’s hidden? Yeah, I know – it’s an exceptional task but my problem is that at the moment, they all are...

Or are they? Is there some subtle procrastination going on? I really don’t think so and frankly haven’t got the time today to find out. I’ll never know if I was meant to sit and write the best chapter of my life this morning. I’ll never know if instead, I’d have found some way to subvert the time I’d gifted myself and procrastinated beautifully instead.

All I know is I have to keep trying to find the way forward that works best for me. And I do have to start saying NO. But not today, not to my gorgeous daughter who needs me today. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll write. This I promise myself.

11 comments:

Geraldine Ryan said...

Thing is, F, if you've always been the homemaker then it's very hard to turn round and say no to your family's selfish demands.

I guess because I have always worked either outside the home or now at home, writing, I have always put that before anything because it pays the bills. Today is Wednesday - it's a working day. So if anybody wanted their wedding dress picking up then they'd have to arrange to do it themselves. I have a serial to write and a fitness class to attend.

My family were like yours till I started having some writing success. They're programmed that way. hard when you're working towards it though to get them to see that those 'me' hours are precious and they need to start learning to respect them.

Good luck with the dress and the wedding!

nightwishfreak said...

I am not out of time but out of energy - I have a thyroid condition that restricts the levels of energy and can be quite irritating ... by nighttime I am wide awake but do not wish to sit at a computer tapping away - especially as access to the kitchen is cut off due to the fact that it doubles as a dog's bedroom! I am not in possession of a decent laptop or net-book so writing has to be done between the hours of ten in the morning to three in the afternoon - after that I am bushed - however I relax!
So - just say to yourself - five weeks - only five - that is just over a month - I can survive just. After that then you can be darn well 'selfish' as you please!

Helen Black said...

I think writing is one of those invisible jobs that everyone assumes happens at some other time.

They don't see, or maybe don't want to see, the hours and hours of graft.

I recently reached a nadir on this, and had to lay it on the line and say I might give up writing. Shock all round.


I'm now trying to approach it like a proper job ie I am not avaialable during the hours of x and y.

I say trying...
HBx

Caro said...

I think these days selfishness has been redefined to refer to 'anything a woman does that doesn't directly involve looking after children or men.' Now that it's normal for women to work outside the home, society develops new ways of undermining us and one of these is the the concept of 'me-time'. It was formerly just spare time or leisure time for both genders, but the new term implies selfishness and condemns women for stepping outside the caring roles expected of them.

Fortunately, the word 'selfish' is negated by the fact that it doesn't matter what you do, there is always someone somewhere who will think you are selfish. A recent Radox ad campaign even portrayed having a bath as 'being selfish'. That's basic personal hygiene! If we can't even remain clean without selfishness, then frankly the word is meaningless. It is a huge challenge to get other people to respect our time, but the only way to start is by setting the example of respecting it ourselves.

Kate said...

Time. Why is there never enough?

I think you're right. We do have to be a little bit selfish.

Susie Nott-Bower said...

I feel quite guilty reading this, because I'm lucky enough to have hours and hours of time each day, since I live alone and work for myself. Our generation were always told to be 'unselfish' as if selfishness was a crime: maybe the word 'self-full' would be good. In this case, Write-full, maybe. You have every right to claim a decent amount of time for yourself and your writing. (but I do get the dress thing...)
Susiex

Roderic Vincent said...

Like Susie I have acres of time, just no talent, unlike Susie.

Run away to Thailand.

Debs Riccio said...

Thing is, time will happen whether you plan for it or around it... or not. So just go with the flow, enjoy the build up to being Mother of the Bride - the words will still be there waiting for you after you've waved the happy couple off.... give yourself a break and score it up to Research. x

Susie Nott-Bower said...

QUOTE: Like Susie I have acres of time, just no talent, unlike Susie.

Ahem. I've just read your Facebook page. You ain't getting away with that one, Rodders.

Susiex

Karen said...

Even when I have time I still make excuses! And you sound like you REALLY have no time - unless you're willing to forfeit sleeping?

Caroline Green said...

I think we ALL have a bit of smoke and mirrors going on with the time thing...I know I do. I just remind myself of the people with four toddlers and a job who wrote their novel on the kitchen table [can't think of any examples but I know they're out there!] to know that even when I am really busy...there's still SOME time I could be using better. But the wedding definitely sounds like a time sucker....